Gratitude

Gratitude...
noun
  1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

So I had my surgery 19 days ago. It wasn't what they expected. When the doctor got into my ear he found some issues. Basically I have Malleal Head Fixation. There was bone blocking my ear bones. My surgery was pretty rough. They had to patch the hole in my ear drum and drill out bone in my ear that was blocking my ear bones. What was expected to be an hour surgery last 2.5hrs.
The few days "recovering" weren't really restful as we are in the process of some major life changes and I couldn't really sit still long.

I returned to work 5 days after my surgery. The past 2 weeks at work have been very challenging. I couldn't hear at all in my left ear. I was again honest with my clients and most knew I was out for my surgery. I experienced some interesting conversations with clients regarding this process. It was a therapeutic moment too as some clients were surprised in my transparency. How could I not be? {the client} You've come into my room and I need to let you know that I might not be able to hear you but please be patient as I make every attempt to do so. I'm asking them to trust me and be patient as I go through my healing process. It's not something at all that I could have hid and not taken into the sessions.

My hearing issues with being a music therapist were/are constantly with me. It's not something I can hide nor pretend and I learned to be ok with that. The greatest moments in my sessions the past 2 weeks were the moments when we discussed being human. All of us! Every single one of us are humans and are going through our challenges. We ended up singing "Human" many times. What a good reminder for the therapist and client that we are all just waking up every day trying our best.

I digress,,,,

In the past few days I have noticed my left ear acting like a PA system. It turns on periodically and I can hear. Then it closes and I wait for it to turn back on. When it turns on, it's kind of amazing. It's a sense I can't remember having. It's just heightened sound and I'm hearing things very clearly.

I had my 3 week post op check up today and the doctor further explained my condition. He did some cleaning and removed a stitch. He said I was healing really well and explained some of my side effects (salty taste on my tongue constantly!!) and said it was from a nerve and hopes it should resolve in a few months.

Before the appointment I wrote him a thank you card. Just a few months ago I was in this blog writing about Losing Sound and today I was sitting at Penn literally starting to hear. It's mind blowing the difference in 4 months. I told the doctor where there was little hope, he helped restore it for me. I can't begin to express just how thankful I am for this process. For my doctors close to home realizing that there was something more than needed to be done and for my new doctor taking on my case and helping me.

Music is my life. My voice, my horns, music is just life for me. I connect to it on a level I'll never be able to verbalize. When I am creating, I am alive. I am free when I create and my truest self.

I go back for my first hearing check in 6 weeks. I'm so excited as I anticipate my hearing to further improve.

Thank you to everyone who has followed this blog. Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. This has been one heck of a journey!

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